Buddy! Didn’t You Just Draw The Short Straw Award – 6 & 7 – Biggs Darklighter & Jek Porkins

The next two awards in the “Buddy! Didn’t you just draw the short straw award” series goes to the next sub category : Star Wars – No Hopers!.

First up, we have Biggs Darklighter, childhood friend of Luke and fellow patron of the Tashi Station Lap Dancing bar (….to pickup some Power Convertors?).

Anyway, Luke bumps into his old Tashy Tatooinne chum whilst preparing his X-Wing for a suicide mission against the Death Star.

Biggs is overjoyed to see his old mucka and says to him that he can’t wait to catch up after the Death Star Run. (Maybe go pickup some more Power Convertors?). Anyway, so Biggs, is flying off Luke’s wing (along with Wedge) down the Death Star Tunnel looking for the Exhaust port.

Basically, Biggs is there as cannon fodder to keep Vader and co busy in their Tie Fighters by getting shot at. Which they do, and kill him whilst Wedge does a runner! Poor Biggs, that means more Power Convertors for Luke!

Great tash though, I would have liked to have seen the tash fly out of the X-Wing on fire, as it blew up. Luckily, Bigg’s sacrifice allows Luke to penetrate the exhaust port with his big laser blast, thus blowing up the Death Star. Hurray to Biggs !

biggs darklighter star wars new hope

Second award goes to another cannon fodder X-Wing flown by the one and only Jek Porkins. Quite how this X-Wing got off the ground is beyond me, as Porkin’s is…….well quite Porky!

Some empty Big Mac boxes and sweet wrappers rolling around on the X-Wing dashboard wouldn’t have looked out of place. In fact, if a empty MacDonald’s coke cup had flown up and hit him in the face, then there might have been an excuse for Porkie’s as to why he went down without much of a fight.

Gold Leader asks who is with him and Porkins replys that he is, only to be shot down before he gets the chance to do anything. Poor Porkins thinks he can save the situation, until the X-Wing explodes. Can anyone smell burnt Pig?

When Gold Leader makes his attack run and misses he says “Negative! Just impacted on the surface!”. Well that pretty much summed up Porkin’s run of luck.

jek porkins star wars new hope

Biggs Darklighter – We salute you for helping keep Vader off Luke’s back long enough to penerate the Exhaust port.

Jek Porkins – We salute you for managing to get you ship off the ground and impacting on the surface of the Death Star.

With a “Buddy! Didn’t you just draw the short straw award” each.

  • cully1

    I WISH SOMEONE WOULD GIVE LUCAS THE SHORT STRAW!!!!!AND BY THE WAY SPACEMAN!!!ITS STAR WARS!!!NOT A NEW HOPE,THATS JUST MORE OF LUCAS AND HIS BS!!!

  • cully1

    I WISH SOMEONE WOULD GIVE LUCAS THE SHORT STRAW!!!!!AND BY THE WAY SPACEMAN!!!ITS STAR WARS!!!NOT A NEW HOPE,THATS JUST MORE OF LUCAS AND HIS BS!!!